Well, it's been a while.

I'm not completely sorry. I am a little, but I know no one reads this, and apologizing to myself is a bit unnecessary. So here we are.

I'm thinking of scrapping this blog and starting a new one, possibly on tumblr, because I'm more familiar with it and its community-type thing than I am with Blogger. I want to start writing more, and posting more of my thoughts, whereas this blog was more of a diary (and a boring one at that). If I do actually get around to doing that- and finding a good URL, because I don't think I'll be able to feel good about blogging unless I have a kickass URL to go with it- I'll post the link on this blog in the off chance that someone strays in here and likes what they see.

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Classes started this week. I'm taking four English classes because stupid, indecisive me declared my major at the last possible second and spent the first two years of college dicking around and fulfilling GERs and taking pointless classes. I'm excited for it, though. I'm one of those people who in high school always loved the books that everyone hated to read in English class, because even though I may have initially hated them, the analysis always ended up blowing my mind and giving me such an awesome insight and the books a deeper meaning that I couldn't possibly not love them.

However, something one of my professors said during one of my first class meetings made me falter a bit in my conviction that I had chosen the correct major. He had actually been my advisor last year, since I was a transfer student and apparently according to William and Mary incapable of choosing a good schedule for myself despite the fact that I'd done it all the year before, and I had also taken one of his classes last semester. I had experienced his grumpy-old-man tendencies before. So I wasn't too surprised when he started class talking about how the field of English was jobless and there wasn't hope for anyone majoring in English. I had, in fact, been given pretty much the same lecture when I first met him and he told me not to major in English. I had ignored him. Obviously.

What caught my attention, though, was when he asked us why exactly we wanted to be English majors- and the complete silence that followed the question. Why be an English major and take courses that require us to read and analyze and write papers, and pay approximately $50 a class to do so, when we can do that on our own for free? I know that part of my answer was somewhat superficial- I loved the idea of getting credit for doing one of my favorite activities. But I knew there was another part to the answer, a reason that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that being an English major pretty much automatically turns you into a better writer, or the critical thinking skills that come along with having to figure out the meaning behind a text.

For me, I think, it's mostly a feeling of belonging. I feel completely at home as an English major, in a way that I don't see myself feeling as a psychology or history or sociology major, all three of which were considered as possibilities and subsequently tossed aside. English majors might all be a bunch of pretentious assholes, but they're my pretentious assholes, and I am one of them (God knows I can be pretentious). I can connect with someone just by mentioning a Pulitzer Prize-winning book (A Visit From the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan, put me on the good side of my Creative Writing professor a few days ago). I can sit in The Grind and listen to someone talk about an article they read in The New Yorker and smirk to myself about how I'd read the same article and had a completely different opinion on it (I'm not quite up to approaching strangers in coffeehouses. I'm working my way up to it though). In this crowd of glasses-wearers and cardigan-toters and book-huggers and grammar nerds, I feel like I totally fit in. And it feels really nice to finally have a place where I feel like I belong, especially since I spent SO LONG trying to figure out what I could POSSIBLY major in. And now that I'm in English, I can't imagine ever considering anything else.

No, I don't know what I want to do after college. I'm trying not to think about it. No, I'm not going to be a teacher. Stop pestering me. Lalalalala I can't hear you.

The rain outside of my window just tricked me.

You know those split seconds where something reminds you so strongly of some place or some time or some... something? I felt for the briefest moment like I was lying in my bed listening to a rain storm dragging spring along. Like it had been a long winter and I was hearing the first sign of spring with all of its blossoming and warmth and sunshine along with rain. And then a split second later my mind caught up with my feelings and reminded me of the fact that it's November and that spring is a long time away, and I've got to go through winter before I can get to my favorite season again.

I don't know. For a moment I felt content. I felt like I was where I wanted to be. And yeah, that's still true here in November. I am content. Things aren't perfect by any means, but when are they ever? I'm here and that's not going away and certain parts of my life are really great. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I guess I felt some hope for a split second in the midst of the kinda not so great things going on in my life. And it felt good.

September, 2010

I'm not sure how well I explained this undertaking in previous posts. I had told Aaron that I was in a photo slump and not feeling very creative, and then I found this website that basically just came up with lists of photo concepts for you to do in a month and then you were supposed to upload what you got to the website. Unfortunately, the site hadn't been updated in about a year so I was still kinda stuck. But thennnn Aaron said "I'll make you a list!" and then gave me a list of 15 things to do in a month.

You'll notice that there are only nine. This is because I'm a failure as a girlfriend and a human being. And a photographer. But I hope you can forgive me, because I did try. It's just easy to get caught up and forget about things until it's too late and everyone's all sad... but there's nothing you can do about it.

So anyway, here's what I got:

There was a guy drawing the statue of Lord Botetourt that's in front of the Wren Building here, so I didn't feel too creepy taking this picture. Though for some reason having a camera in Williamsburg usually makes me feel like a total stalker. I don't know why. It's not weird to take pictures. But it feels as though it is here. It's odd.
Oh yeah, after this some jogger came up to me and asked me how far it was between the Wren Building and the Governor's Mansion. Yeah. I'm a William and Mary student, therefore I know stuff like that. Not?

The wonders of photo editing. This picture was dead. Boring. It still is pretty boring. Which makes me sad. But it was like 100 times more boring before I played around with it. So just imagine that.
This one was really fun to do. Although I felt like the biggest creep ever taking it. Sitting on a picnic bench not too late at night with people walking around... undoubtedly watching me sitting there with a camera in the dark taking 3-second-long pictures. I should probably get over that.
Ooh, this one has an amusing story too! So obviously when you take pictures of stuff on the ground, they're going to suck unless you get close to the ground, right? I was crouching to take these pictures (with people walking around staring at me, of course) and then I stood up and started walking away... when this girl comes up to me and goes "oh good, I thought you'd fallen or something" once she sees I was just taking pictures. Nervous laugh. Ugh.
This, of course, is the beautiful cocoa. You know this story already.
The School of Education is a sweet sweet building. Too bad we couldn't get in it that day. The banisters feel like air. I don't even know how to describe it. But they feel beautiful.
Don't really have much to say about this one except that I got in the most secluded spot I could find to take this. Score.
I wish there wasn't construction constantly going on by my dorm, or this would have been much better.
Feets.

The End.

Fall Break

Fall break. Was. Entirely. Too. Short.

What I Did Over Fall Break
-Went to New York to visit my great aunt
-Bought jeans!
-Wrote my American Lit paper
-Found and brought back a bunch of stuff (including winter coat yayyyyy now I won't have to freeze my ass off)
-Watched a shitload of TV

What I Didn't Do Over Fall Break That I Meant To Do Over Fall Break
-Get a haircut
-Go to Noodles & Co.
-Hang out with Christine
-Finish a book (I did listen to The Blind Side on CD on the ride home from NY. But that doesn't really count.)
-Find my ipod headphones and shorts that my sister stole
-Go on a run or two
-Sleep in (Seriously. Didn't get to sleep in once. Boo.)
-Finish watching a shitload of TV
-Go grocery shopping
-Buy rain boots

So basically I am a gigantic failure. But I really like that photo up there. So I guess it's ok? I'm becoming more comfortable with taking pictures of people, although it's usually their backs. I've been getting all sorts of inspired by portraits lately. Maybe I'll actually get my act together one of these days and find someone who likes getting their picture taken and then shoot the shit out of them. With a camera, of course.
Let's see... what else is new. I still need to put up all of the fall pictures I took last month, I swear I'll get around to it... I've just been meaning to photoshop them a little to make them look a bit better and I've had absolutely no time to do anything. I have no time now. But I'm still in fall break mode and completely in denial that I have to go to class tomorrow. So maybe I'll edit and upload those pictures tonight.

Have I even talked about William and Mary? I'll just say that I really like it (although I might like it less in a month or so because my closest friend here besides Aaron is leaving) and that it's a lot of work, but of course I like that as well. I've learned that I'm an INFJ. And some more stuff. You know. Anyway, I'd better get going if I'm gonna have time to play around with photo editing tonight. Later.

Facebook is down again- October 6, 2010

The World Is Coming To An End!

It's official.

Ps my blog is fucking adorable now. Maybe I'll actually update it now ;)

(Aaron says I fuckin' better...eeks)

Chocolate.

Yesterday, Aaron and I went a little crazy.
It started out pretty normal. We went grocery shopping. We went to the school of education so I could take some photos (more about that later). We ate dinner.

Then we got bored. The idea of going to the candy store was somehow brought up. It was deemed acceptable. I had been craving a candy apple, so I went in with the intention of us getting that and then something for Aaron and then leaving. Aaron apparently had something else in mind. We ended up with $30 worth of candy... a pound and a half of jelly beans, mint chocolate sticks, truffles, gourmet hot chocolate, and a fancy apple. It was ridiculous.

I've been in kind of a photo slump ("I haven't noticed," you sarcastically remark), so Aaron offered to assign me photo homework. Which was really sweet of him, and it has forced me to go out and explore campus and look kind of sketch while taking photos, but I have a big procrastination problem. There are 15 things on the list to be completed... by the end of the month. Wow. I kinda just realized how behind I am. Anyway, the hot cocoa was shoved in my face by my caring boyfriend as a reminder that I needed to take more pictures. So I relented. We wanted it to be the prettiest picture of cocoa I've ever taken (not that I've taken any pictures of cocoa, I don't think, but whatever), so we went to the grocery store again and bought even more fattening items- whipped cream and whipping cream. So we got home, and I got all over-analytical and stressed out about making this cocoa pretty while also making it taste good... and I think I did well in the pretty department, at least. Despite the chocolate sticks falling in our drinks. Twice. And melting all over the handle.

So yeah, yesterday was very sugar-filled, as I'm sure every day until this pile of candy is gone will be. Not that I mind... I'll just have to make sure to schedule extra trips to the gym in the near future ;).

So. So. So. Excited.

Yeah, this news is a tiny bit late. But it's awesome all the same. And I'm STILL fucking excited about it. (ps try to figure out my address from THAT. Hah.)

I GOT IN!!!!! BOTH SCHOOLS!!!!!!!!!!! Goodbye, VCU. Hello, uhh... either UVA or William and Mary. I still have no idea. I'm visiting both schools this weekend. But I am absolutely ecstatic. It's like a whole new exciting chapter in my life has been opened, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. This post is probably going to be really full of me praising myself, but I'm really really proud of myself. I just feel like this is a huge accomplishment... usually when it comes to things like this I just resign myself to failure, but this time I kept at it and worked my ass off and it paid off, and it's really awesome. I'm going into next year with a 4.0... not expecting to come out of it with that GPA though, haha. But I'm okay with that. I can't wait to get to school and be surrounded by intelligent people all the time who push me to try hard and who I don't feel uncomfortable talking about grades to. This year, every time someone asked me how I did on something I usually told them I did 10 whole points worse than I did. And people were usually still impressed. Next year... I may be lying in the opposite direction, but I don't think I'll mind. I can't wait for challenging classes and learning and nerdy friends and weird people... which I think will be easier to find at WM. So score 1 for WM, I guess.

But yeah. For once I find myself hoping that summer flies by so I can get to school and meet people and have fun and hopefully have more of a college experience than I did this year... because this year sucked. And granted, I will miss a few people, and if I end up going to UVA, I'll end up missing Aaron a lot. I just want my new life to start NOW. I've been longing for something that I can't really explain for so long, and I think I've found it, and I want to fill it so badly. So I hope I can make this decision soon.