But okay, here's my post, because Alex wanted me to do one.
Since starting college, I've played guitar about... three times. It's hard to find time when I live with a roommate and am self-conscious about playing in front of other people. Much less singing. But I miss playing guitar; I don't claim to be the best at it, or even moderately good. And I'm pretty sure my guitar cost like $75 and is a piece of shit. But I just feels so good to release my energy and my built-up feelings into something that I can hear and touch.
And trust me, I've had a lot of feelings since starting college. I don't like it here. I don't like living with people I'm unfamiliar with. It's not that I mind the people themselves. I was so used to having my own room, and my own bathroom, and a place to talk to myself and sing and walk around in my underwear without anyone being the wiser. I told myself that it would get better, but it hasn't. I just don't think I fit in to this school- while some people have similar interests with mine, they talk about them differently and seem to like things for different reasons from me... and I know that college is about expanding your horizons, getting a new perspective, blah blah blah, but I just haven't connected with a single person here. And it's very lonely.
But I'm sickening myself with my own public complaining, I feel kind of pathetic now- I've been too embarrassed to really talk about the whole extent of my loneliness here to anyone except a few people. I just hope I can transfer to a better fit next year. And I mean, good things have come from being here. I have so much time to study, and classes are so easy, that I have A's in all my classes- something I haven't been able to say since 5th grade. And my relationship with Christine has gotten better, and I'd say my friendship with Alex has improved tremendously. I also have a lot of time to think, though that's a blessing and a curse.
Anyway, music is incredible. I'm sitting here listening to this band called Horse Feathers, and I feel so peaceful and calm... and a mixture of happy and sad, and I have no idea why this music is making me feel this way but I love it. Violins are so expressive- I wish I knew how to play. I have a lot of things I wish I knew. But yeah, you should listen to Horse Feathers. There is so much feeling in this music. It's amazing.
Until next time-
Liz
PS- I've owned a digital SLR since July and this is the first time I've posted a photo with it. That's certainly a shame. I'll try to be better.
3 comments:
thanks for writing in here again; You should do it more often. I think you're an amazing writer and I'm glad at how much our friendship has grown :)
uhhhh ya ill second that..liz ur writing is very special and captivating....i love when u do these.
Not to be repetitive, but ur writing is absolutely beautiful...and so are your thoughts..idk if that makes sense, but I just love reading these because I love the way you think about things.
I miss you so much and Im sorry you arent liking school, but as stupid as this sounds i believe things do happen for a reason <3 and I'm sure things will get better even if that means transferring.
And please do post more!!! I love it!
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